I breathed the biggest sigh of relief this morning as soon as my eyes opened and I realized that Lilly and I have made it to 37 weeks. No matter what happens now, she is going to be ok! It’s that magical week when all of the pregnancy apps tell you that your baby is fully developed, just putting on more fat with the remaining weeks. What a journey it has been, and what a miracle she truly is. I think the challenges of this pregnancy have made me more grateful than I could ever have imagined, and have taught me so much about the joy and sacrifice of being a mother. I’ve learned so much about myself, my marriage, and life in general. I’ve learned who my friends are and who they aren’t. I’ve learned that “Family” has nothing to do with blood. I’ve had to dig into my spirituality, learn to trust the process, and that I’m not in control. I’ve truly surrendered to my powerlessness and come to a place of peace and understanding that would have been impossible for me to achieve had I not been brought to my knees. I can’t describe the joy and anticipation I am feeling.
She has defied all odds. Doctor’s always told me that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant and even harder for me to carry a child to term. I decided that I was ok with never having children, that I was going to live an exciting life and didn’t need to be a parent to fully enjoy my life.
In the last year, we’ve gotten pregnant twice without missing a single birth control pill. In February of last year I had a miscarriage, and in September, we found out that little Lilly was there. We thought we lost her at 16 weeks when I started bleeding uncontrollably, but with some medication and surgery, the docs were able to save her and stop my pre-term labor. I was put on extreme exercise restriction, modified bed rest, and told not to lift anything over a few pounds. I was terrified that I was going to lose her, that it was just a matter of time…
From that point in my pregnancy, it has been hard to let myself get excited. I’ve been cautiously optimistic, and hopeful. I’ve prayed more in the last 6 months than in the past 6 years…..but for the first time, today, it hit me that I’m going to meet this sweet angel and that she will become everything we never knew that we always wanted. The relief and the gratitude is indescribable. She’s going to be perfect, she’s going to be healthy, and she is going to be strong. It seems that God has a plan for us and for little Lilly, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. This is truly His plan for us, especially through all the challenges we have faced getting to this point. This journey has been incredibly taxing…emotionally, physically, spiritually….but, not for a minute did I want to quit. I’m so blessed with amazing love and support. I’ve been built up throughout the entire process and never went through a moment not feeling the strength of my tribe behind me. I can’t wait to meet this sweet girl and be her mama.